Still not enough
Looking at my own failures to solve some of the deepest problems I have, I now understand, how we as humans can be so oblivious to not trying hard enough and just giving ourselves the illusion that we are.
I have been honest with myself for quite a while now. I started it a couple of years back around the time the pandemic happened. And I haven’t stopped being honest to myself yet. However, I feel that despite being honest, I still am not taking enough action to really get where I need to.
I’m grateful that at least I am honest and aware of my issue. I was doing really well up until last year, but then “life got in the way” and I took a dip. I have really been trying to get back that momentum for a couple of months at least, honestly.
Through careful distillation of instances where I fail to take action, I have realized, that there are mostly just two things (broadly speaking) towards the cause of inaction: 1. laziness, 2. fear.
Laziness is basically the lack of energy (physical or mental) to do something. And sometimes, even when you’re not feeling lazy, you can get out there and do something if you’re disciplined enough, but for certain things, you just cannot reap true benefits until you challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone, and face your fears, and insecurities, and negative core beliefs.
So, I’m gonna give it a bit more effort. Remembering some ideas from Atomic Habits, I realized, that I was maybe just not thinking much clearly, and slowly stopped doing everything. Instead, now, I have started again, and started small and steady, right from the beginning. Since I’ve walked this path before, and am familiar, this time should be easy to get back where I was, and beyond.
So, that’s what my goal is gonna be: to put in more effort. To work towards making this a deeply ingrained habit, so much so, that it is a part of my identity. I truly wish to be more authentic, more polarizing, take more initiative, face more fears, and challenge my negative core beliefs more adamantly.